Post-Pregnancy Reflections

I recently started reading a book written by a woman who wanted to chronicle the pregnancy of her third and last child.  Reading this book has been a real powerful and emotional way for me to reflect on our own last child. 

So here are my recent musings on post-pregnancy and motherhood.

On Sacrifice:
When I was pregnant with both of my children (that still sounds weird to say), I felt it was a huge sacrifice to carry them around for 10 months.  I had gestational diabetes with both of them, carried quite big for both and with Emma I had shooting nerve pains down my legs, which brought me to my knees a few times (once just outside the restaurant Dave took me to for my birthday). 

And then there was the relief of having them out, and the realization that that particular sacrifice was over, but then the further realization that sacrifice continues and looks like something new: feeding several times in the middle of the night, the sacrifice of "our" time that isn't "our" time anymore, giving ample attention to both kids, juggling life/work with the new addition, etc...  But in the midst of the sacrifice, even though it's hard, it's all worth it.  

On Body:
One of the things on so many women's minds after they've given birth is "when can I have my body back?"  I kept saying during pregnancy, "I can't wait to have my body back", but I didn't mean it in the way that I want my figure back.  I meant that it will be nice to be able to lie on my back to sleep without worrying about squeezing off some important artery that pumps blood to the baby, or, because I had gestational diabetes, being able to have a bowl of ice cream when I want without worrying that I'm harming both myself and the baby, etc...

But I'm also fascinated by the intense desire women in general have to get their figures back.  For me, it's not that intense.  I know from experience with JJ, that this whole getting "my figure" back thing takes time, at least for me it does.  Mainly because I don't try to be a fanatic about rushing it.  I know it's important to be healthy and to heal from surgery well, and that's why I want to start walking and being active, but I also feel there are more important things right now than getting my figure back pronto, like caring for a newborn and figuring out how to also keep giving attention to my 6 year old, who has already expressed emotion of how hard it is for him to watch me give so much attention to a new baby. 

On Love:
The second time around, I'm still fascinated at the amount of love I have for this baby.  I remember looking at JJ when he was only a few days old and thinking, "how can I love this little guy so much?"  And I know I kind of bonded with both before they came out because I carried them for so long, but as soon as I heard Emma's cry in the operating room, it all became real - she was real.  She wasn't just this squirmy image on an ultrasound screen or this alien moving inside me.  She was real, and so was my love for her.