Beautiful Morning

WARNING: ALL THOSE HOPING TO SEE PICS. OF JJ, SORRY. THERE ARE NO PICTURES ON THIS BLOG, JUST TEXT.

It was a crisp morning. The ground was completely covered with frost, and it was quite beautiful. I put on Dave's shoes, my sweater and walked out to the end of the driveway to retrieve our daily newspaper, of which the crossword puzzle is part of our household's daily routine. Our bodies seem to be adjusting to the cold again. The reason I know this is the other day I was thinking to myself, "(self) It's really not that cold out today." Soon after that when I climbed into the car, I saw that the car said it was only 35 degrees outside. That's when I realized I must be getting used to the cold. Now, for those who still think Serbia is Siberia; have no fear Serbia is not nearly as cold as Siberia.

Today was a lazy morning for me. I wanted to stay in my pajamas for a long time; but that didn't happen, as we decided to attend a Mennonite church near us. We've been attending a Nazarene (not something I had any desire to do) church called New Hope almost the whole time we've been living here, and we really enjoy it. A woman that works with Dave's dad has been asking him if we could attend the Mennonite church she is a member of because she heard we were going to be serving with MCC. It really only made sense to us, too, that we would have contact with a local church of the denomination that would be sending us for three years. The congregation was, in many ways, like the one we were a part of in Pasadena. We enjoyed the sense of family there and let me tell you; they really know how to welcome guests. There were at least 10 people that greeted us and asked about who we were. We hope to be able to visit periodically and get to know some people from that church; and learn from others who have served with MCC.

Leaving our house though and driving to church some Sundays still feels weird...because for years we met with our community or (insert gasp here) didn't go to a building church at all on Sundays and just walked around Pasadena. I miss those days, of just walking to our "third places" (Vroman's Bookstore, Coffee By the Books, Boba World, local parks and playgrounds, etc...) as though they were just part of our every day lives, instead of making a point to travel to them.

Even though my body is adjusting to the cold, I still don't like my "winter" self. I'm a quite bit more sedentary, and my skin is very white and dry. I know all the sun isn't healthy for your skin, but don't we all feel better or at least we think we look better when we're tan? It's in these cold winter months that I remembered why I used to be a member of a gym for years in Massachusetts. Unless you are active in winter sports or belong to a gym, when does a person get physcial activity in the cold winter months? One of the things I'm really looking forward to about Serbia is walking everywhere again (well and taking public transportation) in Belgrade.

Despite not being directly surrounded by many things and how cold the winter months are here, I have rather enjoyed living in Ohio these last few months. It was beautiful to see the changing of the seasons, as we soaked up the sun of late summer, then welcomed fall in with colder nights and changing of the leaves. And then, as if it happened overnight, there were no more leaves on the trees and we could see our breaths outside.

I also really enjoy the friendliness of people in stores and banks. And I've also learned so much from the people I work with; about being a light in the world, about faith that God provides what we need, and about having a compassionate and generous heart, for they are always giving, especially to those who have less than them.

Regarding JJ: The twos are not too terrible, at least for right now. Dave and I both think JJ is at such a fun age. He wants to participate more in things but doesn't quite get the full concepts of them yet; like when he uses a wrench he opens and closes it on my leg and says, "I'm going to eat you..." and when we play hide and seek I'll say, "Hmmm...where could JJ be; is he under the couch?", and from a distant place I hear him say in a high-pitch voice , "No..." and this goes on and on until he actually jumps out at me from his hiding spot and says "Boo...I found you!." In so many ways he still seems like a baby but slowly and surely he is becoming a boy. Just today in church he was sitting with us in the pew (b/c the kids start out with the parents until they are dismissed). Dave and I leaned over to tell him the music was going to start and he pushed us both away, and then when I had my arm around the back of the pew and stroked his hair; he pulled my hand away and said, "Stop mommy." No one told me these days would come this soon!!

Community Living: Many of you might be wondering how things are still going in a house of 3 families living together. I think it's fair to say, and we all realize it, the honeymoon stage is over. There are certainly great rewards of us all being together but these do not come without also great challenges. Some of them are just trying to live with people with other ways of being and living life; and some has to do with different parenting styles or family system dynamics clashing. It's definitely hard to find alone time, which is why we all take turns going out on dates. I find that things I would normally advocate for like "living for the other", "understanding the other", "serving the other", are extremely difficult to live out in an intense living situation, where our space is not our own, where we are all watched under a microscope, and our tendency is to withdraw instead of let others in. It's a struggle and balance to invite each other into our lives, marriages, etc... and still maintain a sense of our family unit or privacy. We've been able to very recently bring things out into the open, which is a very painful process to go through, but I am hoping in the end there will be stronger bonds formed between us all and we'll have grown that much closer together.

Merry Christmas - 2007!!

Not long before the Christmas holiday hit did we find out that we're officially going to Serbia! As of right now our departure date is May 25th, 2008, exactly 5 months from Christmas! Up until this point living abroad and serving with MCC seemed like a theoretical dream. It's crazy to think that we are actually going and will be living there for three years! We are mostly excited right now and really feel a peace about making this decision.

Dave is in the middle of writing a more detailed blog about Serbia and what we'll be doing there. Stay tuned - We hope to post it in a couple of days. We are trying to keep in mind all that is going on in Kosovo right now, as they seek independence from Serbia, and what this might mean for us going to Serbia. One of our most recent fears is how we will be received as Americans in a country whose government is in conflict with what the U.S. is supporting. But we are trying to keep it all in perspective knowing (and hoping) that Serbia is like the United States in that there are plenty of people who don't support our current government stance on its war with Iraq. So our hope would be that the people we meet with be able to separate us from our government's actions and beliefs.

In the meantime we hope you enjoy these pictures of our holiday in Rochester, NY. It was certainly a snowy and fun-filled trip with a total of 6 kids and 4 adults living together for 3 days. We played games at night when the kids were in bed, watched the Transformer movie with the boys, and watched JJ and Breanna following each other around the house all day long. And JJ just had such a wonderful time celebrating Christmas with the kids at Bev's house. And we were very proud of him when he didn't cry at all in the nursery and his 2-3 year old Sunday School class!

We hope you all had a wonderful Christmas with your family and friends and hope you have a rockin' New Years Eve. Maybe you have grand plans of partying all night long or maybe you're like us and maybe you'll be awake to watch the ball fall. Anyway, enjoy a day off from work!!


(JJ - 2yrs, Erik - 13yrs, Matthew - 5 mos, Griffin - 4 yrs, Breanna - 2 yrs, and William - 6 yrs)


JJ and Breanna loved to eat their snacks together on the stairs


Being a kid again was so much fun!

Boxes

I resonate with Tim when he explained one of the reasons why their blog had turned into a place to post pictures of their son was that when he finally sat down to relax after a long day, it was hard to write lengthy tomes of worthy subjects. Life is tiring...parenting is tiring; especially when you have work and school going on. Well, now that classes are behind me, I would love to visit (or re-visit) some topics of great importance to me, and I'm hoping to be energized by the writing of them. Maybe others will be interested in them, maybe not. Either way it's a quest I've started on and don't see myself ending any time soon. This blog is about something I've become very passionate about, especially in the last few years...boxes.


What box do you fit in? Most of us, since birth, have been told we fit into some kind of box? Are you rich or poor, are you rational or emotional, are you an optimist or a pessimist, are you Type A or Type B personality? And not only do we fit in some kind of box, but if we would like to be different than what that boxes defines us as, we are told we are abnormal or insufficient. Boxes are safe though because at least in it you know exactly who you are, or rather who you’re supposed to be. In a box though it's hard to see beyond itself, and it's even harder sometimes to get out of one box and into another...or even abandon the box altogether.

I've often wondered who decided what the qualifications were for boxes and who fit in them? Some think Greek Philosophy had the most influence on this sort of dualism I am writing about, that is so prevalent in many societies today, especially Western. What I have been most interested in as of late is the connection specifically between a gender dualism that says men and women are born a certain way, are to reside in separate boxes, which many believe is of God's design, and how these boxes helped shape the social structure called patriarchy.

Do you believe God created men and women different? There are many thoughts on this topic; some believe we are born with inherently male and female traits. Some believe that we are constructed by culture, completely shaped in the context we grow up in. For many who believe we were created different, there exists a gender dualism; categories that are quite opposite from each other. Some examples are: men are strong and women weak, men are rational and women emotional, men are islands and women are relational beings, men are hunters and women gatherers, men are on the prowl, and well this is interesting: married women aren't seen as sexual but single women are temptresses. One might conclude these dualistic categories to be somewhat harmless.

How about these: Men are born in the image of God and women in the image of man, men are born to rule and women to be subordinate, men are teachers and women are deceivers (not to be trusted), men are to lead and women are to be silent, men are to be seen and heard in public and a women's role is at home, etc... Sound familiar? These are things early church fathers wrote (Tertullian, Chyrsostom, Jerome, etc...) and they are still very much a part of our culture; especially Christian culture. Is it possible that the categories we create for male and female shouldn't be taken lightly; for what we are really saying is that based on our given gender differences, one gender has more theological authority over the other and essentially designed to rule over the other. Do you believe this is God's design for us?

Have you ever known someone who didn't fit neatly in a box? Have you known emotional men? Have you known women are who are gifted at preaching? Have you known women who seem more rational than emotional in their thought process? Have you met men who feel more comfortable not leading and women who love to lead? Do we really believe God created these boxes for us to be in or could it be that God created us all in the image of God and that we are all to be one in Christ, yet we can't seem to escape the strong messages culture tells us about who we are?

Why is a girl accepted as a "tomboy" if she likes to play rough and not wear dresses but boys who like to knit or dance are called a less appealing term..."girlie", "feminine" or maybe even "fag"? Why do we still have parent groups called "Mommy and Me" while many husbands take care of their children, and furthermore why do we call them "Mr. Moms"? Women are taught from a very young age their realm is the private sector, they are to be domestic goddesses. It is so hard to shake something so ingrained in us. I know many moms like myself who have a very hard time giving up control of this realm; even when we are drowning in it, we don't know how to ask for help or share that burden.

Is it the same way for men? Are they told they are useless if they don't work? Do they have the constant pressure on them to be the "providers" of the family? Is it hard for them to say they would prefer to stay home with the kids; as if this is a second-rated job, after all they aren't Mr. Dads, they are Mr. Moms. Is it hard for them to openly express their emotions for fear someone may think they're weak? Is it possible many men have a hard time finding safe places for them to freely express themselves in intimate ways, especially with men, and not have people joke around about them being gay?

Is this gender dualism damaging? Has it given way to the idea that there are "those who have the right to authority and those who do not, and they all know who they are because theology and philosophy have taught them so"? It didn't take long for a social structure, like Patriarchy, to immediately follow this sort of dual-tier thinking. Soon there prevailed a "rule of the fathers", in which I feel we have all been damaged by in some way.

This is precisely what I would like to unpack in my next blog...

Video Fest

Here are a series of videos we took of JJ tonight. They are of him singing and just being plain silly. This first two are kind of dark, but funny because he is trying to smile the whole time while singing.

C'est Fini

December 7th, 2007:

This is a date that has meaning to many Fuller students, it is the end of the Fall quarter. To get to this point is an accomplishment for any student; many of whom are juggling personal lives, work lives and life of academia. For me, this date represented much much more than just an end to a quarter...it was end of my very last quarter of Grad school; the day all my school work for my Masters program was due. It felt amazing to give my envelope to the postal woman and I smiled as she post-marked it. When it left my hands, there was an instant sigh of relief that left from my body. A sigh that represented a new period in my life: one of guilt-free experiences. Don't get me wrong - I thoroughly loved being a Seminary student. It was by far one of the best choices I've made for myself. It all started over four years ago with a wrestling session with God. I was heading toward an MBA but didn't feel a peace about it at all, feeling I should pursue a degree at Fuller (with Dave), not knowing where it would take me or why exactly I was doing it, other than it felt right.

Once I started Seminary, I realized that was just where I was supposed to be. There were very few classes I didn't enjoy; although "enjoyment" is not always how I would've explained things being stirred up in me and my life changing each class at a time. It was a time of opening up painful wounds and letting healing in, a process that begun and will continue to be something I will pursue. It was a time of beginning to understand what the pursuit of wholeness could look like for me; one of inviting growth and God into my life in the way of letting others in my life. It was a time that marked the beginning of what will probably be a life-long journey of trying to understand how and why we do the things we do, how the Gospel has and will continue to shape and guide me, learning how to love others, and understanding how we process both the world around us and our inner being, the way we are built psychologically that has been shaped by family, relationships, faith, and many other experiences of life (sorry for the crazy run-on).

However December 7th represents a date in which school work will no longer hang over my head and something I constantly think about while doing other things. I can now watch a guilt-free movie or do guilt-free knitting or have guilt-free coffee with someone. This is of course until I decide I want to dive into a PhD program, maybe, years down the road.

Update on Serbia:
Who wants a Serbia update? O.K... here it is. We had another conference call this past Friday (2 days ago) with the MCC representative for Southeastern Europe and the Director of the War Center for Trauma in Novi Sad, to discuss Dave's 1/2 time. We listened to the story and history of the Center and learned about what their expectations of Dave would be. They are a Center that does Trauma counseling for war veterans and their families, working primarily with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. They have a staff of 15 psychotherapists that do counseling from 10-4 p.m. every day and a "program staff" of 4: Director (Milos, who we talked to), 2 Financial Assistants and 1 Psychotherapist. In May of 2007 they received funding from an organization in the Netherlands for three years. They now need someone (proposing it be Dave) to come in and get to know both the people and the organizational structure in order to see how he can help them get organized in the way of English Translation, volunteer management, and consolidating documents (into presentation material), just to name a few. The other part of Dave's job would be conveying what he learns from the center and educating others, to possible donors, about what the Center is doing. This might require some travel to workshops (they have many potential donors in Germany and the Netherlands, from what we understand, but don't think he'll travel that far - would be fun to go there together there as a family!). This was a new assignment he was just offered last Friday, so we had a week to pray and think about it. After this conversation we were thrilled that we both felt very positive about this opportunity for him (and us).

After our phone call we just feel this move is right for us. The fact that Dave and I would both be working at Trauma centers is really exciting and we have already begun to be excited about the passion of the people we've talked to (Directors of the two centers) and to help walk alongside the brokenness and pain of those in Serbia who have been so affected by the war that happened just under 10 years ago. We've also been told that there is a furnished apartment we would most likely live in, in the center of Belgrade, Serbia (the capital), a city that is booming in many ways. Dave would be traveling to the Novi Sad center at least 1-2 days a week, which means we wouldn't see him during those days. Otherwise the other center that Betsy would be working at is in Belgrade, very near the day care JJ would be going to probably a couple of days a week.

We were told by our MCC rep that they will move forward, unless we have second thoughts, and that they will hopefully offer us an official invitation. They also threw out a possible leave date: May 25th. This is all the information we have so far and will let you all know when we know anything more official. We are for sure excited about this very real possibility and of course also hold the other feelings of nervousness and anxiety about the certain upcoming change and transition of moving our family to another country and culture that is completely new to us.

Update on JJ:

Just this morning JJ said to Dave, "I want to go poo poo in Daddy's bum." Not sure what that was about, we'll just put it in the bin of random 2 year old comments, like the time he recently told me, "Mommy I want to go pee pee on the window." He's talking a ton and we really enjoy him so much! He sings a lot these days...we'll try to post a blog soon of this and also finds a lot of things funny: faces and sounds we make, parts of movies and funny songs. He also loved playing in the snow the other day (just like him...hated it the first time but loved it the second time). He had a great time until he tried to wipe snow off his face, but used his snow-ridden mittens, defeating the purpose of clearing snow only to get his face that much more snowy. This is when he broke into a very unhappy cry, and I couldn't stop laughing.

Get 'er Done

Winter has arrived with full force. At the sight of first snow I was very excited and it reminded me of being a child as I would watch the beautiful snow fall and have fun playing in it! However, my excitement did not last very long. This is my first winter after having lived in Southern California for 4 years, and these are things I don't miss: 1. Only filling my tank up to $20 because it is so dang cold and I can't wait to get back into the warm car 2. Fumbling around with mittens on, trying to get my dang keys out of my pocket; frozen fingers don't help 3. Praying my frozen cold jeans will not touch my legs while I'm standing outside, pumping gas. And what the heck? Normally our thermostat in the car goes back and forth between farenheit and celsius - tonight it said 27 degrees farenheit and then ICE....ICE!! Even my car is like "What the heck is going on? Why aren't we back in Southern California!?!?!?"

So, it's true...JJ is 2 years old!! Here is a video and some cute photos from his birthday party we just had on Sunday. As you will see he was extremely excited about his gifts! We had ice cream sundaes (JJ's favorite) instead of cake and a good time was had by all.

Get 'er Done!!! This phrase the other day really cracked JJ up. We were riding in the car and I was talking about how I really need to wrap my school work up (due Friday, the 7th) and I said "Mommy's gonna...get 'er done" (said with strong accent), which sparked much laughter from JJ. Of course, as parents, we will often repeat anything that conjures up that beautiful little giggle of JJ's, so yesterday morning I said it again and he looked at me and said, "Good one mom!!" I stoppped and thought since when did I go from being "mommy" to "mom"? He's been saying that a lot..."O.K. Mom!! (he'll yell if I tell him I'll be right back...) or "What mom?" (when he wants me to repeat something). Even today he said "Hi Betsy!!" I think he was being silly and it was a bit funny but a sad little part of me wondered, is it because I'm working now that I've gone from being "mommy" to "mom" to "Betsy"? Deep down I know that's not the reason and my son was just being a silly 2 year old.


Get 'er Done!!! That's what I said right before I took my last final the other day. (Did I use it the correct way Kraig?) It felt good to be finished with at least one class. As I sit here right now blogging, I still have 6 more pages to write on my very last paper of graduate school. However I told myself I would write 4 pages tonight, and since I did, I'll reward myself with a little blog action.


Dave is "gettin 'er done" this week with Jon. They are on another construction job this week and are gone 4 days and overnights. Yeah, not a big fan of having Dave gone that much - we've never been the kind of couple that liked to be away from each other, it just feels better when we're together. They're having a great time though and using their mad carpentry skills! Maybe when he gets back, he can shoot a blog out about his experience (wishful thinking, I know).

I find it interesting I saved these for my last two classes of Seminary: Early Church History and Biblical Foundations of Mission. Both seem like "beginning" classes, but I have really enjoyed working backwards. I feel as though I can appreciate so much more now what the Early church fathers wrote and interpreted doctrine now that I have a better grasp on theology in general, and the same thing with mission. Some things that fascinated me about church history: how Christianity victoriously sprung up out of a time of great persecution lasting almost 1 century, how the way the early church fathers interpreted the Creation story and Paul greatly impacted (and does to this day) how women were received in ministry and in the church, and how Epicureanism and Stoicism are still affecting the church today.

Surprise!!! Don't you love surprises? Well, I had the pleasure of participating in one for my friend who turned 30 this weekend! Her boyfriend planned a weekend where all her closest friends could all be together for 1 1/2 days, celebrating her! There is something so magical about being with close friends, there is no pretense and it's just downright fun (except for fighting during a word phrase game that went on far too long by everyone suffering from stay-up-too-late-and-get-a-lot-less-sleep-than-your-used-to syndrome).

Serbia...Ahhh Serbia. Abridged version: We have been offered (unofficially) to go to Serbia as 1.5 people (this is recommended for a family), and we are choosing to divide it .75 and .75 time. Betsy's .75 time would be totally dedicated to the Center for Education and Psychotherapy, located in Belgrade, Serbia, which primarily deals with counseling and educating parents/teachers on trauma in parents/children. I would be working as their Program Assistant (not sure if that is the official title), which means I would both be helping with the development of the program (going on workshops, evaluating program, doing research, etc...), some counseling (will come in time with proficiency of language), and helping with fundraising/financial tasks of the center. Dave will cover .25 for the center (we can decide if we want to divide up by task, etc...) and it is his .50 time that we are still discussing with the MCC representatives of Southeastern Europe. Currently they've offered him a similar position as myself but at another Center for War Trauma in Novi Sad (1.5 hr bus ride away), focusing their work primarily on war veterans. They envision 10 hrs/week would be spent at the center interacting with the team in place and veterans, and the other time would be writing about the center, doing research, hosting visiting tours from MCC, etc... Dave has mixed feelings about this, but it seems to be growing on him just a bit. He's not sure he wants to be gone that much from us and if that kind of work is something he is really passionate about, although some of it he can see himself doing...anyway so we are praying and thinking about this. Also, we will most likely have another phone call with someone from the War Center so they can let Dave know what their expectations of him would be. We hope to know more after that.

That is a broad brush stroke of what we are talking about with them and are very excited about this opportunity before us. The other thing we are working out is time of departure (or arrival, depending on which side you're on), which as of right now, is May of 2008. Unfortunately this was definitely longer than we had expected, which has been an adjustment for us but it isn't necessarily a bad thing. Please pray for us as we continue to evaluate this option for our family and think of dedicating at least 3 years of our lives there.

I hear snoring in the other room...I think this is my cue to go to bed as well...